Have you ever wondered how it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following “Your prayer cannot be connected, please try again later” ...then disconnects!
After several attempts, finally you are through
Thank you for calling heaven
Press 1 for English
Press 2 for Spanish
Press 3 for other languages
Please select one of the following options
Press 1 for Request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for other matters
Sorry, all our angels and Saints are busy attending to other sinners right now. However, your prayer is very important to us and we will answer it in the order received. Please stay on the line as your prayer will be answered faster than having to redial again.
If you would like to speak to:
God, Press 1
Jesus, Press 2
In urgent need of the Holy Spirit, press 3
To find comfort because of a loved one who just died, press 4
then enter the date of baptism, then #
For reservations to paradise, Please enter JOHN followed by the numbers 3:16 and follow instructions
For answers to nagging questions about Dinosaurs, werewolves, aliens, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in paradise for all revelations and clarifications.
Sorry our prayer record shows that you have already been prayed for today, please hung up and call again tomorrow.
Our offices are closed over the weekend to provide for Angels to render their worship to God
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local congregation elders or pastor.
Thank you for calling heaven and may you have peace
Do you have peace with God, then your prayer line open 24 seven, 365 days.